15 Secrets To a Healthy, Loving & Stable Relationship

by | Jun 9, 2016 | Love & Relationships | 10 comments

15 secrets to a loving, healthy and stable relationship

I remember years ago when I was young…

Just a few houses down our street lived on old married couple. I think they were both older than eighty.

Every time I’d see them, they seemed to be so in love.

They were still holding hands. They passionately kissed each other and they’d still seem to have so much fun together. You could just feel that, even after all those years, the love between them was still alive.

It made me realize that it is possible to grow old together and still be happy.

I told myself that I wanted my relationship to be like this. It  gave me hope that despite all the divorces nowadays it’s still possible to be together forever.

But what was their secret?

Why did they make it and why do so many other long term relationships and marriages end up in a break up or divorce?

That’s why I decided to ask 15 experts about their biggest secret to a loving, healthy and stable relationship.

Below you’ll find 15 insightful and valuable pieces of advice that you can use to keep the love in your relationship alive.

Happy reading and don’t forget to share your thoughts with me in the comment section at the end of the article.

I have been married for 11 years this year and known Sharon for 14 years and our secret is never forgetting each other, and by that I mean always having each other in mind whatever we do.  I tell her every single day that I love her, we kiss each other good morning every single day, we text each other, and although we spend most of the day apart and we’re both extremely busy, we’re never far from each other’s thoughts.

Support, love, attention and daily physical contact I believe is important.  And one other thing is to keep myself in shape and never forget that she might have fallen in love with me for lots of different reasons but the physical attraction has to be there as well.

Steven Aitchison / Change Your Thoughts

Having been in a long term relationship and a 10 year marriage that failed, I can tell you what wasn’t the key to having a happy, healthy and loving relationship. It was essentially holding on too strongly to my ego. To have a happy and healthy marriage, you have to be willing to let go of the ego for the benefit of the marriage. Letting go of the ego means not taking things personally, forgiving quickly, letting go of grudges and resentments and not being easily offended. It means sharing, giving up your position, not trying to win arguments and not holding strongly to what you want and looking for the compromise position instead.

Letting go of the ego means dousing anger often, choosing compassion and empathy. It means listening when you don’t want to and communicating when you don’t feel like it. This is no easy feat, by the way. Working on reducing the impact of the ego in our lives is a life-long spiritual and personal development practice. One reduces the size of the ego by acknowledging, calling it out and then gently negotiating with it every time it tries to consume your life. We reduce the ego by feeding it with love and compassion instead of fueling it with anger and pride. 

Vishnu / Vishnusvirtues.com

The biggest secret to having a happy, healthy & loving marriage or long-term relationship is to be truly committed to a happy, healthy, loving, long-term relationship.

By committed, I mean that you have absolute certainty that neither of you will ever do anything to jeopardize trust in each other. Trust is the absolutely biggest factor in sustaining a long-term relationship.

Trust means you can be fully heard, you are able to say anything to each other and you can wholeheartedly be yourself in the relationship, yet you’ll still know for sure that you are loved and fully supported. You then get to stay in touch with each other’s growth, for enabling support of each other, during change in each other and in circumstances.

Over the course of many years, many times over, you can rely on changes in each other, changes in your lifestyle and in the relationship. When you can completely trust your commitment to each others health, happiness and continued love, you can speak more freely and more easily negotiate beneficial adaptations, for best sustaining you both into the future.

As in the words of Kim Eng, “The fact of the matter is: there are no relationships. There is only the present moment, and in the moment there is only relating”. So keep your channels open for relating, and that means always continue to build on mutual trust.

Thea Westra / Forwardstepsblog.com

If you tell yourself divorce is not an option then you’ll take better care of the relationship day to day.

Penelope Trunk / Penelopetrunk.com

The biggest secret to having a happy, healthy & loving marriage or long-term relationship is commitment. It’s the only way to feel safe to grow, as you both will, and to weather the storms you will have to navigate. If you are committed to the relationship [Read: leaving is not an option] you will learn how to communicate, how to be patient and tolerant, when it is necessary, how to find your way, together, to greater happiness as the relationship deepens over time and because of the struggles and triumphs you experience together.

 

And enjoy one another. Greet one another with smiles and hugs regularly. My husband and I work at home and we greet one another with eye contact and smiles whenever one enters or leaves the room. We affirm our love for one another. Can you hear that someone loves you too often? Nope! Love truly is the answer, cliche as it sounds!

Lori Gosselin / Lifeforinstance.com

Trust is the key to have a happy long term bond. Being with my wife for 9 years – and married for over a year – we trust each other and have trusted each other from the beginning. No suspicions, no jealousy. We allow each other to be individuals, to be ourselves, and that loving trust has kept things happy and healthy for us.

Ryan Biddulph / Bloggingfromparadise.com

I think the secret to relationship success is to expect little and give a lot. Expectations are one of the few things you can control, and they make a big difference on your happiness in the relationship. Giving, in whatever way means most to you both, is a great way to show, build, and sustain love.

Happiness, whether in general or in a relationship, is relative to what you expect from the world or a person. Expecting less isn’t settling for less, it happens after you’ve committed to someone. And this is the key: expecting less means your love is unconditional. Otherwise, high expectations set a performance bar for your partner, and every time they fail (and people will fail), the relationship is threatened. 

Stephen Guise / Deepexistence.com

Complete acceptance of the other person is, by far, the most important ingredient in any relationship.  If you can’t fully accept the other person for who and what they are, warts and all, then you can never be completely happy in the relationship.  Without acceptance, you’ll be looking for what’s wrong and what’s missing.  You’ll overlook all the great things about them.  You’ll poison the relationship trying to “fix” them and control them. And no one wants to be fixed or controlled.

Acceptance also applies to you.  It’s impossible to be happy and accept someone else until you can fully accept yourself, just as you are today.  That doesn’t mean that you don’t want to change or improve yourself, but you have to accept yourself as you as today in order for growth to happen. Otherwise you’ll waste your energy resisting the way you are.  What you resist persists.

With acceptance, you can feel comfortable being who you genuinely are, not a façade that you think the other person wants or that you think you need to be. When you feel accepted, you naturally want to move closer to the other person and become a better person for the relationship.

Paige Burkes / Simplemindfulness.com

Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, strive to handle conflicts quickly and maturely, and direct your attention to the things that are working really well in your relationship.

Dani DiPirro / Positivelypresent.com

The foundation of all happy, healthy, & loving marriages and relationships is respectful communication. Both partners need to be able to respectfully communicate their individual needs and desires while also respectfully listening to the needs and desires of their partner. If both partners are able to communicate respectfully, then they can successfully negotiate the ongoing issues, difficulties, and challenges that exist in all relationships.

The reason that respectful communication is so important is because all relationships are ultimately an ongoing balance, an ongoing dance between the needs and desires of the “we”, the “me”, and the “you”. Put too much emphasis on the needs and desires of one of the partners, and the other partner will grow angry and resentful. Put too much emphasis on the overall needs of the relationship and the two individuals risk losing their uniqueness and being consumed within the relationship. Finding and continually negotiating the delicate balance between “we”, “me”, and “you” requires respectful communication, hard work, and the 100% commitment of both partners.

Ed Herzog / Edherzog.com

One of the most essential elements of a loving and healthy relationship is something I heard the author and teacher, Gary Zukav explain. Relationships are really “spiritual partnerships” filled with lessons about life, love and finding out more about yourself and who you really are. When we look at our relationship with that understanding we’re more willing to listen to our partner, learn and grow. This allows us to not only love wholeheartedly and enjoy all the amazing benefits of a healthy relationship, but also grow individually. When I started looking at my relationship through that lens, it improved everything.

Sibyl Chavis / Possibilityoftoday.com

The biggest secret to having a happy, healthy and loving marriage or long term relationship is to treat your partner the way you want to be treated – and to always have open and honest communication. Be kind,caring and considerate towards each other – and show your love and affection in some way every day.

With open and honest communication, you will get to clear up things as you go and never allow things to simmer. Finally, make sure you discuss and agree on the key things that matter to you both.

Arvind Devalia / Arvinddevalia.com

To allow each person to be themselves. To see the relationship, or marriage, not as a bond or cage, but a journey together through life. And to have the courage to allow that relationship to evolve naturally. Sometimes that means letting go of each other, and sometimes it means being together for the rest of your lives. A killer in relationships is one or both parties trying to control and/or change the other. The more this can be let go of, the more the relationship can flourish.

Henri Junttila / Wakeupcloud.com

For me, the key to a happy relationship is compromise. I know this is a pretty common response, but I’ve found that ALL couples have different goals and opinions. It’s human nature. What has worked in my marriage is being able to calmly express what’s important to each person and come to an agreement where both of us win. Often, this means making sacrifices.

For instance, my wife likes to go to the gym, which is an important for her health and well-being. So often this means I have to watch our son for a few hours during the daytime, instead of working. On the other hand, she makes an incredible amount of sacrifices by being the primary caregiver so I can get a number of tasks completed. Honestly, it’s a balancing act where we try to help one another out.

Steve Scott / Developgoodhabits.com

A healthy and loving relationship can only remain loving when we are first in a happy relationship with ourselves. When we can accept ourselves completely and love ourselves completely we can love another then completely too. The secret to having a happy relationship is being able to ‘be yourself unabashedly’ so that the other can love YOU for YOU and not a sorry version of what the other expects of you. When you find that person you can be completely YOU with, you know you have found your soulmate or “the one” 🙂

Zeenat Merchant-Syal / Positiveprovocations.com

Making Your Relationship Last

Wow! That was some good advice.

I’m sure that these 15 secrets will contribute to having a loving, healthy and stable relationship with your partner.

Maybe there were some real eye-openers for you and maybe you got some advice that you want to put into practice right away.

Lastly I want to share one of my secrets. I believe that one of the keys to having a loving, deep and intimate connection with your partner is to realize that love is an action. Every day you need to consciously and actively make the choice to show love to your partner. If you do this then you’ll see your relationship transform. You’ll feel more love for your partner and he or she will feel very loved by you. This amazing quote by Stephen Covey sums it all up:

Love is a verb. Love – the feeling- is the fruit of love the verb.

What was your favorite secret? Feel free to share this with me in the comment section. Also you’re more than welcome to share any of your own tips or secrets for having a loving, healthy & stable relationship.

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