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5 things you shouldn't do after a break up (and what to do instead)It hurts, doesn’t it?

You start out a relationship with great expectations…

Slowly you let down all your walls, and put all your trust in this one person.

And you hope to live a life of shared dreams and commitments.

And then suddenly… It’s all over.

What happened?!

Maybe it hit you like a hammer in the head or maybe you saw it coming.

Unexpected or not, it’s painful!

You get thrown into unknown territory and wonder how to survive a break up. The dreams and expectations you had get shattered. You feel completely crap and lost. And you doubt if you will ever feel truly happy again.

But it really is possible to survive a break up…if you deal with it in the right way.

If you avoid these 5 dangerous mistakes when going through a breakup, you’ll survive the break up…eventually.

 

1. Don’t keep all your feelings to yourself

 

It’s risky… keeping all your feelings buried deep inside of you.

It will only make you feel more stressed and you’ll have a hard time concentrating. It also gets in the way of your work, relationships and your overall health.

We need to express ourselves in order to understand and deal with our feelings in the right way.

Instead, you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about your feelings… share them with your family and friends or express them in others ways. It will help you SIGNIFICANTLY to get through this tough period.

You’ll notice that there are people around you who truly care about you, who will listen without judging, support you and give you the energy you need to recover.

 

2. Don’t think that you’ll never get over it

 

In all honestly…

A few years ago I went through a break up. I tried to renew the relationship, but it didn’t work. For me it came totally unexpected and it smashed my future plans.

I can still see myself sitting on the couch, feeling shit. I thought I would never get over it and that I would be unhappy for the rest of my life.

Well, you guessed right…

I did get over it.

It even made me stronger, more confident and it gave me more self-knowledge.

Now, I’m the happiest man alive. I just got engaged to the love of my life. If it weren’t for my break up, I would have never met her…Only the thought…

Instead of thinking that you’ll never get over it, realize that this shitty feeling is only temporary. Before you know it, you’ll have adapted to a new lifestyle and have built new bonds with others that will bring you just as much happiness and comfort.  There still is a great future ahead of you!

Break ups are blessings in disguise…you just have to believe in the healing power of your heart…No matter how shattered you are , no matter how much mess life puts you through just believe that you will overcome it and heal. Always remember every “good bye” takes you closer to a new “hello”… and a wiser, better and a stronger “YOU”… – Aarti Khurana

 

3. Don’t try to be happy all the time

 

It’s okay to feel down!!

It’s even okay to feel depressed.

These are natural and normal ways of feeling after losing somebody we care about so dearly.

People around you may tell you to cheer up, do nice things for yourself and just laugh and be happy.

And although they only want the best for you, it’s not good to always strive to feel happy.

It’s important to ‘feel’ the anger, sadness and frustration in order to properly let go.

It also helps us to reflect, understand ourselves better and grow as a person.

Instead of trying to feel happy all the time, accept that there are a lot of other feelings and that it’s OK to have these feelings. See them as an opportunity instead of a threat.

“Everyone says we grow through pain and as soon as they experience it they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!…Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all those things which make us who we are”Hugh Mackay

 

4. Don’t dwell on negative feelings for TOO long

 

Okay, so I mentioned above that it’s important to not brush negative feelings under the carpet…

However, there is a big difference between;

  • allowing yourself to experience these negative feelings properly and
  • dwelling on negative feelings WAY past their expiry date.

At the end of the day, your goal should be to eventually move on from the breakup. In other words, find peace with the situation, forgive, and let go of the past.

If you hold onto anger for too long, it will slowly turn into bitterness. If not dealt with, bitterness will turn into hatred and it will poison you.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s good to have self-pity. Especially in the beginning. You have all these different feelings and it’s good to ventilate them to others. But there is a point where you have to accept your loss and move on without feeling bitter for the rest of your life.

Do you know somebody who constantly talks about a break up or a divorce?

No matter how long ago it was they still feel resentful and take every opportunity to talk about it. They get caught up in their break up or divorce and constantly drown themselves in self-pity.

Don’t be that person…

Instead, accept that you have all these mixed feelings, talk about them and then make the conscious decision to move on.

 

5. Don’t stay friends and keep in touch all the time

 

You probably used to chat, text and call with your partner everyday, right?

Well, let’s just say that something exciting happens after the break up…

What’s the first thing that pops into your head? It’s probably going to be texting or calling you ex-partner… Isn’t it?

Don’t do this…

I know, it’s very tempting. Your partner was probably your best friend and you always shared everything with each other. But it’s a dumb decision to stay in touch with him or her.

Getting in touch about practical things, like personal belongings is hard to avoid. But besides that, it’s important to leave an intentional void when it comes to contact with your ex-partner.

If you don’t do this, you will only be making it harder to overcome the break up and to adjust to the single life.

Instead, contact a family member or a good friend when you feel lonely or have exciting news. It will boost your chances of moving on enormously.

 

How to survive a break up: it’s tough but not impossible to move on

 

Moving on after a breakup may feel like a difficult task, but it’s not as hard as you think.

In fact, the scariest part of a breakup is often the ‘unknown’. 

It’s not knowing whether you’ll ever be as happy again or if you’ll ever completely move on.

But trust me…

You’re more capable of adapting to a new, positive and happy life than you think.

The secret to moving on is to start with a small step. Start by accepting that you’ll feel shitty for a while and talk with friends and family to put things into perspective. Even a 2-minute chat with somebody will make you feel much better.

After the first step, take the other steps. Get into a new routine, learn from your mistakes and slowly start looking into the future again.

Remember, sometimes good things fall apart; so better things can fall together.

Are breakups a blessing in disguise? Share your thoughts with me in the comments section.

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