Do you miss feeling independent and confident in yourself as a person?
Are you in an unhealthy relationship?
Being independent and keeping your unique identity is SO important in a healthy relationship.
But for most couples, it is much too easy to ‘lose yourself’ and become almost ‘one’ with your partner. The relationship becomes unhealthy.
Maybe you feel like you don’t have your own friends anymore and that you only ever socialize as a couple.
Or perhaps you feel like you have lost your individual and unique personality that you once had and that you have lost confidence in your own abilities.
Either way, maintaining your independence to a certain extent is very important to feel confident as a person and is a essential part of having a healthy relationship.
Remember, it was your personality and individuality that your partner fell in love with in the first place! So why lose it in your relationship?
If you feel like you lost yourself in your relationship then here are 12 great ways to claim your identity back.
1. Have your own friends
The way that you interact with your friends is often different to how you interact with your partner.
When you are with your friends, you will often feel a greater sense of independence. You no longer have your partner there to hold your hand and comfort you. You are your own person now and you are completely responsible for yourself.
Having your own friends will also give you a sense of personal confidence too. If you only have shared friends, then it is no wonder why you feel so reliant on your partner.
Also, when you keep in touch with friends that you have known from before you began your relationship, you will be reminded of who you are as an individual. This is a great way to maintain a sense of self.
2. Make new friends
Making new friends will show you that you are still capable of being ‘the person you used to be’. It will give you confidence as an individual and will also challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone and be more independent.
3. Identify your hobbies and interests and then do them!
Have you neglected your hobbies and interests as soon as you entered your relationship? These things are cornerstones to who you are as a person.
Your interests, hobbies and passions are what motivates you and drives you as a person. They create a big part of your personality too. For example, you might be a very artistic person and love expressing yourself creatively but when you neglect this part , you lose a part of yourself.
Get stuck into your hobbies and the things you are passionate about again.
4. Join a team or group where you can do the things you enjoy
Sometimes we have every intention of getting back involved with the things we enjoy such as our hobbies and passions. However it doesn’t last because of our busy lives!
Joining a team or group such as an art class, a sports group or band is the perfect way to stay accountable to the things you love. This will help you to make sure that you make time for your hobbies and interests.
5. Have time alone
Sometimes you might be so used to being around your partner that as soon as he or she isn’t around, you immediately call or go see a friend.
Spending time with friends is important but it should not be a way to avoid time alone.
Spending time alone is a must if you want to regain your sense of self. Sometimes all you need is a small break from everyone to find peace with yourself again.
When you are alone, you can reflect and be completely honest with yourself. It also encourages you do the things you enjoy.
6. Arrange specific times in the week where you and your partner will have quality time
You are probably thinking, “that’s a bit contradictory. How can arranging to spend time with my partner help me to regain my independence and a sense of self?”.
Well, it is important because many couples will neglect their social life in hope that it will give them more time for their relationship. This is often the case when a couple does not feel that they have enough quality time together. Remember quality time is very different from simply living together or being around each other a lot. It involves having each other’s undivided attention.
Arranging specific times in the week to have quality time with your partner will help you to feel more comfortable making plans with friends or getting involved with your hobbies. This way, you are confident that you will have enough time with your partner and are therefore less reluctant to make other commitments during the week.
7. Don’t lose sight of your dreams
It is our dreams and passions that give us a sense of purpose in our lives. If you lose sight of them, you will not only lose that sense of personal purpose and motivation in life but you will also lose a big part of yourself.
So keep chasing your dreams when you are in a relationship. If your partner loves he or she will fully support you in this.
8. Don’t be too dependent
It’s easy to become overly dependent on your partner especially if they are your best friend. He or she is the person you feel most comfortable with and who’s company you enjoy the most.
Being around other people may be a big effort, as you have to make a bigger effort to socialize – whereas being with your partner may be relaxing and easy.
This shouldn’t mean that you only ever spend time with your partner and no body else. If you do this, you will lose your independence and you will become heavily dependent on your partners company. This is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and can be burdening on your partner….and worse – you will lose your sense of self!
9. Be open to take on new things
When we try new things and get out of our comfort zone, we prove to ourselves that we can still take on a challenge by ourselves. It will help boost your confidence and give you a feeling of independence.
10. Don’t revolve your life around your partner
Make plans with your friend’s and get involved with a sports group or hobby. Often we are worried that if we become too busy, our relationship will suffer.
This can be true to a certain extent, however maintaining your personal interests and having time with your friends is the healthiest thing you can do for your relationship! When you become too dependent on you partner, it can make them feel trapped, as they are not able to do the things they enjoy either.
So don’t revolve your life around your partner. Rather maintain a healthy balance in your life.
11. Don’t tell your partner every little detail of your everyday
Perhaps you feel the need to tell your partner everything you did in the day, or everything you are going to do. This may seem harmless, but when you really analyze it, you might realize that you tell him or her everything because you feel as though you secretly need their approval.
What you might really be trying to say to them is “see, I am trustworthy. Everything I did today was completely innocent. There is nothing you should be worried about”.
This is often the case with couples where one is quite insecure and mistrusting. If this sounds like your relationship, then avoid the urge to tell your partner everything. Challenge yourself to be confident in yourself and the decisions you make.
12. Don’t ask for your partners permission
When it comes to making decisions in your life, allow yourself to make the decision yourself. You are an adult and are capable of making your own choices in your life.
For example, you don’t need your partner’s permission if you want to start a cooking class or join a sports team. These are your own personal rights and if you are in a loving relationship, you partner will be happy for you.
Obviously, there are times where it is important to consult your partner. But when you depend on your partner’s approval for every simple thing in life, you end up losing your independence, self confidence and sense of self.
Don’t Settle For a Relationship That Won’t Let You Be Yourself!
It’s up to you now to make the necessary changes in your life and your relationship. Just remember that it’s never to late to claim your identity back. You have the power to choose how you feel in a relationship. You can create your own outcome.