It’s a comforting and secure feeling to think that you have found the one.
But what if they aren’t the one for you?
What if things look more dull or gloomy in the future than you would have imagined?
These 11 signs are not your corny “he buys me flowers” or “he knows my favourite food” kinds of signs, they are 11 things that every quality relationship should be able to answer yes to. They are foundations for a healthy relationship.
Without these 11 things, I would seriously consider asking yourself “Am I in the right relationship”.
The truth is, sometimes great people (who would do anything for their partner) end up with not so quality people (who are more concerned with themselves that anyone else).
Fingers crossed! Let’s see if you are in the right relationship.
1. You resolve conflict productively
How do you and your partner resolve conflict?
Do you hold onto grudges and unforgiveness for days and even give each other the silent treatment?
One of the most important things for a happy and fulfilling relationship is using your conflicts to grow as a couple as opposed to letting them tear you apart.
Forgiveness and working through conflict productively is a choice. It is a choice that reflects love and care for your relationship and a desire to make it last. A very good way to resolve a conflict productively is by looking at the way we communicate.
2. You understand how your partner feels loved (and visa versa)
We all feel love differently.
Having a successful relationship depends on how well you know how to make each other feel loved (what fills each other’s love tank).
Did you know that there are 5 different love languages to understanding and expressing love?
Your love language and that of you partner can be as different as Chinese and English!
”We must be willing to learn our spouses love language if we are to be effective communicators of love”
Dr Gary Chapman
Here are the 5 love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service
- Quality time
The love languages are a great way to understanding how your partner feels loved. You can learn more about the love languages here.
3. You are thoughtful towards one other
When you are thoughtful towards your partner, it shows that you are making an active choice to love them.
Being thoughtful is like saying “How can I make my partner feel happy today?” or “What can I do to make my partner feel special and important?”
This is an essential part of every relationship because without it, you are obviously not concerned about going the extra mile for each other. And isn’t that what love is about?
4. You laugh together
When you laugh together, it shows that you enjoy each others company and that you actually “like each other”.
All too often, the one person who is meant to be our best friend, ends up being the person who frustrates us and annoys us the most.
Instead of laughing together and experiencing that tremendous feeling of joy, we find ourselves being grumpy towards each other.
“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either”
This shows us that laughter is a choice! And it involves choosing to feel happy towards each other, and not angry or negative.
5. You support each others goals and dreams
Supporting each others goals and dreams shows that you want the best for each other.
We all have dreams and goals and these are the things that motivate us in our life. Why? Because they are important to us.
Supporting the dreams and goals of your partner is therefore a way of showing them that you want them to feel fulfilled and happy in life.
6. Your families approve of your relationship
Unless you come from a strange family background where your family is a little crazy, how your families react to your relationship can be a powerful indicator of whether you’re in the right relationship.
Your families know you better than most people and they can usually tell when you are not happy. They may not say it to you directly but they certainly won’t be saying how great they think your relationship is.
Ask you families what they think of your relationship and really take into consideration what they have to say.
7. You are both always willing to grow (as a person and as a couple)
There’s an old quote that goes like this;
“There is none so blind than he who will not hear”
I love this quote because it shows us that if you are not willing to listen – you are basically blind to the areas of your life that you need to make changes in.
It’s not fair for the other person if you are not willing to listen and to grow as a person and as a couple.
It is a part of wanting the best for your relationship. If something can improve in your relationship, why not do it?
8. You put each other first
Love is selfless. But we all know that right?
Then why do so many people put themselves first in their relationship?
The truth is, we really shouldn’t have to nag for things that are important to us.
Real love is kind and should take pleasure in making the other person feel happy.
9. You stick to your commitments
Does your partner constantly let you down? Or the other way around?
I have personally experienced this before. In an almost 5 year relationship, it would be impossible for me to even count the amount of times I was let down.
The disappointment I felt at times was extremely heavy. I did not feel loved.
Commitment is a part of having integrity and loyalty and these are both essential traits for a long lasting and happy relationship.
10. You encourage each other to spend time with friends
Having time with friends is so important.
It not only plays an important role in maintaining our self- identity, it also gives us confidence as a person.
One single person cannot fulfil all our needs – and if there was such a person that existed – well, you should still find other people to enjoy life with.
It’s a great feeling when you can spend an endless amount of time with your partner, however when you truly love each other – you will want the best for each other.
We all know the importance of having our own friends and spending enough time with them so we should encourage this for our partner.
11. You can picture yourself marrying each other
What’s the point of your relationship when all you feel is dread towards the idea of spending the rest of your life together?
You should feel excitement and peaceful about the idea of marrying each other.
I personally was in a relationship where the idea of walking down the aisle with that person made me feel like a big weight had been dropped on top of me.
I knew all too well that things needed to end, but it was always so difficult to find the strength to do it.
Now I have met the love of my life and trust me….feeling completely peaceful and joyful about spending the rest of your life with someone really is possible.
Now over to you
These 11 signs may be difficult for some of you to hear. Maybe it has helped you notice some things in your relationship that you are not so happy about.
On the other hand, perhaps it has shown you that you are incredibly fortunate and have found an amazing partner.
What’s important to remember at the end of the day, is that you shouldn’t settle for second best. I’ve been there and trust me, your not stuck in your relationship (although it can often feel that way). You just have to be strong and do what you know will make you fulfilled and happy in your life.